A "Fixer's" Dilemma

It used to drive me nuts when people would talk to me about situations that they are going through or relationships that they are in that were crappy; or they just plain didn't know how to handle this, that or the other thing - I would give them my point of view, ideas of how to change it - And nothing would change! The next time I talked to them it was same-ole, same-ole.

By nature I'm a "fixer". I love to help others to figure out what the problem may be and help them to find solutions to fix it. However, being the fixer that I am comes with a lot of frustration. I see the solution to their problem, others see the solution.....but they just aren't getting it!
So how do I handle it?

Who's Got The Control

One of the first things that helped me out of this frustrating dilemma was realizing that the only person that I have 100% control of is ME. I cannot live others lives for them, I do not think for them, they will only change IF THEY want to. To be honest if you are the sort of person that easily gets angry or frustrated about how someone else is living their life or the way they are acting - then you have control issues (I know I did)- you need to let it go. Not only is it an issue of controlling others, you are actually giving them control over how you are feeling. Have you ever said something like, "Oh he made me angry!!" - Well, he didn't make you angry, you allowed it to effect you; you allowed yourself to get angry. Do you see the difference? This isn't the easiest feeling to let go of, but it is definitely worth it for your own peace of mind.

Letting the Manager Handle It

Another thing that I find very useful is turning it over to the manager to handle. I know, now your saying, "Manager? You have a manager?" Yes I do. But not the kind that you might be thinking. This isn't a physical manager, it's my spiritual manager. Its much like giving it up to God to handle. I have a notebook that I have labeled "My Universal Managers To Do List." In this notebook I list all of the things that I know that I don't have control over, things that I know that I cannot change and let my manager take care of them. You don't even have to believe in God; it's a very relaxing process of releasing those things that bug you. I found this idea in a very good book that I've been reading call "Ask and It Is Given" by Ester and Jerry Hicks. There are many great processes included in this book to help in any area of your life. Another nice thing about this process is that if you're ever feeling angry or upset about that particular person or situation at any point in the future you simple say, "I don't have to think about "that" because my Manager is taking care of it." What a sense of relief.

Final Thoughts

Would you go around to all of your neighbors, asking them for their trash? Can you imagine it? There you are standing in the yard, calling to your neighbors..."Hey Joe! Hey Sarah! Bring your trash on over here, I would love to hold on to it for you!" Pretty soon the trash has piled up, stinks and your frustrated.
This is what basically happens when you hold on to all of those things that belong to other people - there not your problems, there not your issues. Stop trying to take control of the everyone else's trash (problems). You take care of what you can and let your manager (or trash man) take care of the rest.