Life Choices - What would You do Different?

Looking back over my life with all of the different experiences I've had and the choices I've made, I ask myself: "Is there anything I would have done differently?" Is there anything I would like to change?"

My answer - Absolutely not!

Every choice I made - every experience I've had has made me the person I am today. And I like me.

By no means was my life a piece of cake. I did not live a sheltered life where everything was all rosie. I've had my share of what most would consider "bad" decisions and experiences regarding relationships, finances and I'm sure many other areas that just aren't coming to my mind right now.

With each "bad" experience came growth - I learned something new or learned something again. So looking back there were no "bad" experiences - it was a opportunity for me to grow and learn (even though it didn't feel very good at the time).

Looking back at your own life do you see that you are not the same person you were 5, 10, or 20 years ago?
Do you see your growth, the lessons you've learned?

There are no mistakes so bad that they cannot be fixed.
There are no problems so bad that they cannot be solved.
There are no bad experiences - It's all about growing and learning

Image of God - What does that mean to me?

I don't know about you but I really never understood the concept of being made in the Image of God until recently. I started asking myself some questions about who I am and who God is. I learned a lot about God in church but I didn't believe everything I heard there. Some things just didn't feel right to me - which I believe caused some confusion with in me. In order to understand who I am, I needed to understand who God is - and I needed to know at a deeper level.

What I know about God
God is Omnipresence - present everywhere and in everything.
God is Omniscience - all knowing, knows everything.
God is Omnipotence - all powerful, capable of doing absolutely anything, without limits.

Would you agree with this view of God? Would you consider this as a accurate picture of who God is? Now doesn't it stand to reason that if you and I were made in the Image of God, that this is also who you are, who I am?

If you don't agree that's ok. I don't expect anyone to believe just because someone says so. Everyone need to seek their own truth. Ask and you shall receive.

Who are you, really? Dig deep and find your truth.

How do You Pray?

First off I want to say that prayer or meditation is one in the same. It really doesn’t matter what you call it because they both are for the same purpose – to ask for something and then to allow God or the Universe to bring the situation to its perfect conclusion. For the sake of this article I will be using the words prayer and God.

Unfortunately most people don’t know how to pray. We tend to complicate it by thinking we have to beg….”Oh, please God, please…” or “Why God, why…”

We have rituals… “Get down on your knees…” or “Lie face down” (on the carpet that you have no idea of when it was last washed). Or my other favorite…”thanking God in a restaurant, out loud, making a spectacle of myself”.

Now if you want to pray like this, by all means do so – it’s your choice. If you are comfortable with it, that’s fine. For me it’s a personal thing, not a public display.

The focus of this article is not regarding public prayer, there is a time and place for that. It’s about what we want on a personal level for ourselves and others.

How can we pray more effectively? What is it that we do or don’t do that causes our prayers to seem to go unanswered?

Two of the most common mistakes I’ve seen (and done) are begging and controlling.

We Beg

Don’t do it. You are not a little child who has to beg and cry to get their way. You are a mature individual who has been blessed to be made in the image of God; who by the way is the perfect creator – and has all power – and all knowledge. Now don’t you think that if we are made in his image that we also, already, have the same qualities He has?
Get a grip – then use the knowledge.

We Control

Sometimes things happen that we feel we need to control, and usually its about other people and their circumstances. “We” think it should happen this way, exactly the way “I think” it should be…ah – no! The only thing you will get out of trying to tell God how to do His job is frustration; and the thought that God doesn’t listen. Oh but he does listen. He’s just waiting for you to shut-up. It’s like telling someone how to raise their kids, but you have never had kids – thus, no experience. God has been at this prayer answering business a lot longer than you’ve been praying.
Let it go. You want a perfect solution? Then let him do his job.

Praying Effectively – Simple is best

First of all think about what you are asking for. I think about the situation, all the individuals that may be involved, and then I write a simple prayer. Such as this example:

Joes mind is clear and calm,

He is now filled with unconditional love and understanding,

He is now listening to his heart.

All is perfect – all is well.

I close my eyes and picture the person in my mind; I see a breeze flowing around and through him. At the same time in my mind I repeat my prayer. I will continue to do this until I feel that “All is perfect-all is well”. Sometimes it only takes one time; on other occasions it could take a few days or weeks.

Notice that not once did I mention the situation in my prayer or how I wanted it resolved. Because you are not begging or trying to control the out come of the situation you are allowing it to be resolved in the perfect way which will benefit all persons involved. By trusting in God to do His job in the most perfect way we allow the perfect solution. This is what trusting God is all about. This is when prayers are answered.

Ah, a life with less stress – keep it simple.

Fun with Money

Recently I was playing a game called The Prosperity Game. I found it in the book “Ask and It is Given” by Ester and Jerry Hicks. The purpose of the game is number one – to have fun. The other benefits are to help you focus on the things you desire and to broaden your thinking of having more wealth than you already have. By having fun with this game you put yourself in a positive mood.

Here’s how I play the game:

• First I open up the Excel check register I have saved on my computer.
• I make a pretend deposit of $1,000.
• I write out pretend checks making detailed descriptions of what I want.
• Now here is the key: Spend the $1,000 right away on anything your little heart desires.
  

That’s the end of the first day. Easy, right?

Now for day 2.

Do the same as above but this time deposit $2,000, day 3 deposit $3,000, etc. As time goes by you really start reaching for more and more ideas of what to spend that money on. I found that for each new day I would list all of the previous things I had listed from the day before and then add to it.

Because you are focusing your attention while playing this game, and because you’re having fun thinking of all those things you would love to have, those things that you want actually start showing up. I’ve already had a few things show up like clothes, a printer. Also you start noticing that the things from your game are being advertised on T.V. or you get a advertisement in the mail – it’s the little things like that which tell me that “someone” is listening to my requests.

Please note that this is not a game to play to try and force things to happen – It’s all in the FUN that makes it work.

Recently I tried this game a little different. I thought it might be fun to try to spend One Million Dollars in one day – Does anyone have any ideas on the $422,700.00 I have left to spend?

Who's Relationship is it Anyway?

It's called a "personal relationship" with God/Creator - then why do we feel the need to "verbally" stick our noses into someone else's relationship with God/Creator? Shouldn't we be more concerned about our own personal relationship. Making sure that our own relationship with God/Creator is growing. After all, if we are not growing how on earth do you expect to help anyone else?

If we truly wish to help others to grow spiritually then we need to physically shut-up and instead open up our prayers/meditations for those we love - prayer/meditation has power.

Not to say we should not encourage or inspire others with our words - but not out of our own heads or our own rationalizations - we should be lead of the spirit to say those words of wisdom that will make much more of an impact on those we love - more than anything we could ever think of on our own.

Are you a person that continues to tell others what they should or shouldn't be doing in regards to their relationship with God/Creator - are you truly trying to help them? One way to decide for yourself if you are really trying to help or if you are merely trying to control them is to notice how you feel when they do not do as you ask. Do you get angry or upset? If you do, then you are trying to control their relationship, and you probably don't even realize that you are doing so. We all are growing spiritually in our own time - forcing an issue only causes resistance.

If you really trust God/Creator then you know that what ever you ask will be given. So lead by example and trust what you ask for in prayer will be given.

In the meantime.....just Shut-up.

Shut Up!

Control is an amazing thing - not control of others but the freedom of controlling ourselves. Recently I was thinking of when I first started self control. One of the first thinks that I remember learning was how to control my mouth. Which is one of the hardest things, in my book, to try to do. Sometimes it seemed as though my mouth actually had a mind of it's own. It would ramble off information thinking that everyone wanted to listen. It's been about 20 years since I first started to control my spoken words, and "why" you ask would I want to. After all isn't it better to say what's on your mind and get everything out in the open? Or be able to share your knowledge with others or guide, help others through discussions of life issues. Well, yes it is, if what you are saying is actually helping or guiding, teaching or releasing. Most of the time however our responses are automated - we respond to what we think others want to hear or what point we are trying to make. We don't take the time to stop and think of what we are saying. The words just free fall from our mouths and what ends up happening a lot of the time is the conversation turns into a bitch session and nothing really gets resolved.

So what did I do to try to have more control over my speech, my words.....I just SHUT UP! When I wanted to reply or make a statement - I didn't. I just kept quiet. It wasn't easy, I am a fiery redhead with the attitude to match (at least I was, ok - sometimes I still am) and 99% of the time I would tell you exactly what I thought-no holds barred. However this was not helping others and definitely was not benefiting me any either. So I started to make it a point to "not" give my opinion - not to say that what I had to say wasn't important, however importance wasn't the issue. I wanted more self-control, I wanted to stop and think before the words came spilling out - and I wanted what I had to say make a real difference in my life and the lives of those around me.

Here are some things that have improved since that first day 20 years ago.

My benefits of SHUTTING UP:

It has helped me to be a better listener.
It has helped me to have better control of my mouth.
I think about what words I want to use before I say them.
It has helped me to not respond automatically in anger or frustration.
It has shown me that having better control of self first allows me to help others better.

There is a lot of power in the words we speak - What are you saying (or not saying) today?

To Do List

Ok, everyone that has a "To Do" list raise your hand.

Almost every one has written one at least once in their life and there are a lot of people who use them every day. I usually have one written once a week. Although I know I would get more done if I wrote one every day.

I asked myself why I didn't use one on a more regular basis. The answer that came to me was that people do not like being told what to do - we don't even like telling ourselves what to do! So what would or could I do to make a "To Do" list more appealing? (Both to me and others.)

I thought about it for a while. After all what is a "To Do" list anyways... it's made up of things we want to get done or must get done. These are usually smaller scale items that need to be taken care of in our day to day lives. They are our daily goals (hmm, a clue).

Such a nice word "goal". It definitely has more appeal and some how inspires to "want to" do it rather than the "have to" do it. It feels like I have accomplished my item(s) - I have achieved my goal(s) for the day.

I no longer have a "To Do" list. I now have "Today's Goals" list. Sometimes just changing the wording can make all the difference in the world.

Focus - Staying Positive

Since January 2007 I have steadily been working on my 3 focus areas. The questions I asked myself was "How am I going to stay focused?" and "Where would be the best place to start?" I figured the best place to start would be to stay positive; I needed to have a more positive out look on my life as it is now. I needed a more focused, more thankful, more appreciative view of what I already had. So for the first few months this is what I have been working on the most...

Staying Positive

This can be very challenging - particularly when it comes to finances. Finances seem to be a "In your face" type of situation. What I mean by "in your face" is that just about everything we want or need has to do with the all mighty dollar. And everyone seems to want you to give them their share; which is fine - when you're not feeling stressed about money. So how can I/we get to our "happy place"?

I've always been a pretty positive sort of person, always looking for the good in situations and people - but I wanted something that would focus my attention more. I thought...

• "What is positive?" Positive equals good.
• "What does good mean?" Good means appreciating or being happy.
• "How can I focus more on being happy/appreciative?" Write it down.

Hmm, what a interesting thought.

So I got myself a notebook and wrote on the front cover, "Appreciation". I've dedicated the book only to writing about what I am thankful for. On the top of the first page I wrote, "What do I appreciate today?", "What am I thankful for?" I write everything and anything that comes to my mind - people, places, things; I write about it all!

At this time I do most of my appreciation in the mornings because this is when I have the most quiet time - I sit up in bed with my cup of coffee ( this is one of those things I appreciate) and write. However, you can do this any time during the day that you can spend about 15-20 minutes without any major interruptions.

In the beginning I wrote everyday. Sometimes I ended up with a very long list and other days it may have been just a few items. The point is, that I made it a point to create a habit of being thankful everyday. I was focusing my attention. If I wasn't writing, I was reading what I had already wrote.

Here are some of the benefits that I have noticed:

• Increase in ability to focus
• Increased happiness (everyone wants to be happy!)
• Appreciation brings more of the same into your life (Law of Attraction)

I have had some very good results from focusing my attention and being thankful in this way. Unexpected cash flow (into, not out of, my life), my writing has increased, and my request for a stronger connection spiritually has also improved.

You probably have areas in your own life that you would like to improve; write them down. Then focus your attention by appreciating everything and anything you can think of. The focus is in the writing and the ability to stay positive.

A "Fixer's" Dilemma

It used to drive me nuts when people would talk to me about situations that they are going through or relationships that they are in that were crappy; or they just plain didn't know how to handle this, that or the other thing - I would give them my point of view, ideas of how to change it - And nothing would change! The next time I talked to them it was same-ole, same-ole.

By nature I'm a "fixer". I love to help others to figure out what the problem may be and help them to find solutions to fix it. However, being the fixer that I am comes with a lot of frustration. I see the solution to their problem, others see the solution.....but they just aren't getting it!
So how do I handle it?

Who's Got The Control

One of the first things that helped me out of this frustrating dilemma was realizing that the only person that I have 100% control of is ME. I cannot live others lives for them, I do not think for them, they will only change IF THEY want to. To be honest if you are the sort of person that easily gets angry or frustrated about how someone else is living their life or the way they are acting - then you have control issues (I know I did)- you need to let it go. Not only is it an issue of controlling others, you are actually giving them control over how you are feeling. Have you ever said something like, "Oh he made me angry!!" - Well, he didn't make you angry, you allowed it to effect you; you allowed yourself to get angry. Do you see the difference? This isn't the easiest feeling to let go of, but it is definitely worth it for your own peace of mind.

Letting the Manager Handle It

Another thing that I find very useful is turning it over to the manager to handle. I know, now your saying, "Manager? You have a manager?" Yes I do. But not the kind that you might be thinking. This isn't a physical manager, it's my spiritual manager. Its much like giving it up to God to handle. I have a notebook that I have labeled "My Universal Managers To Do List." In this notebook I list all of the things that I know that I don't have control over, things that I know that I cannot change and let my manager take care of them. You don't even have to believe in God; it's a very relaxing process of releasing those things that bug you. I found this idea in a very good book that I've been reading call "Ask and It Is Given" by Ester and Jerry Hicks. There are many great processes included in this book to help in any area of your life. Another nice thing about this process is that if you're ever feeling angry or upset about that particular person or situation at any point in the future you simple say, "I don't have to think about "that" because my Manager is taking care of it." What a sense of relief.

Final Thoughts

Would you go around to all of your neighbors, asking them for their trash? Can you imagine it? There you are standing in the yard, calling to your neighbors..."Hey Joe! Hey Sarah! Bring your trash on over here, I would love to hold on to it for you!" Pretty soon the trash has piled up, stinks and your frustrated.
This is what basically happens when you hold on to all of those things that belong to other people - there not your problems, there not your issues. Stop trying to take control of the everyone else's trash (problems). You take care of what you can and let your manager (or trash man) take care of the rest.

Freedom in My Lesson Learned

Look back at your life....what do you see, what have you learned? I have a list of things, items if you will, that I personally have learned throughout my life - I call it My Life Lessons. Some were pretty easy, others much more difficult and took a bit more time. But I did learn them.

I passed! *smiling ear to ear*

My most difficult lesson came very early in my life. It was the end of my senior year of high school, just before graduation. I was seventeen and pregnant - and made the decision to have an abortion.

My Mom was against it, my best friend was against it, and the boys family was against it. It was morally wrong and they were all going to try to stop me. But they didn't - I went ahead and did it anyways.

My parents had raised a woman with a mind of her own - although many would probably say that I'm just a stubborn redhead (which is also true). But this decision was mine and no one was going to talk me out of it or tell me what I was going to do with my life. And no one did.

Looking back at it now I still believe I made the right choice. Please do not misunderstand, to this day I am against abortion and would never encourage anyone to have one. But for me it was a huge lesson that I needed to learn. You see even when I was seventeen I knew in my heart that killing was wrong. I had received enough back ground information in regards to God that I knew I had committed a huge "no-no"- "Thou shalt not kill." In my eyes I had not only killed - it was pre-meditated murder.

Four Years of Hell

So the lesson started. I put myself through hell for about four years. There was no one to blame but myself, I had made the decision in the first place. I could have listened to those who cared about me, but the real lessons that we learn are the ones we usually have to learn the hard way - through our own reality.

Guilt and the need for forgiveness drove me to learn more about God and Jesus. I knew that all I had to do was "ask" to be forgiven and I would be. I knew - I understood what I had done wrong. I prayed, I cried, and I asked. I didn't understand why if all I had to do was ask, then why didn't I feel forgiven . Why did I still feel so horrible. Why did my heart feel like it would burst. Why was my sorrow so over whelming.

Freedom in my lesson learned

It was Sunday morning worship service. ( I love this part of church). Everyone is singing and rejoicing - it's like you are in this beautiful flow of energy. For some it is so wonderful that it brings tears of joy; for me this morning it was tears of need, tears of desire to truly feel forgiven. I was crying, literally bawling. My heart was breaking. And I heard a voice, like someone standing above me. I heard these words spoken to me...

"I have forgiven you, but you haven't forgiven yourself."

Oh the rush of joy! Again the bawling, only this time tears of relief and understandings.

This moment in my life-this hard learned lesson has helped me in understanding how important it is to truly forgive ones self. It's not just about forgiving the person that cut you off or called you that name in anger. After all, no one is perfect. We all have done things that we have regretted or wished we never had done. But it is usually in our wrong choices that we learn our most valuable lessons. So really there are no wrong choices - just difficult lessons. I'm learning mine - what about you?

What's the Big Deal? -or- Those little things that drive us Nuts!

What little things am I talking about you ask. It's those little things, the ones that drive us crazy about the people we live with. It could be your husband or wife, the kids or maybe a roommate or significant other; but no matter who it is there is usually something that drives us absolutely up the wall. Here are some examples of what I mean:

• wet towels lying on the bedroom floor
• socks in the living room
• toys on the floor (you just tripped on another one)
• dirty dishes in the bedroom
• clothes not folded the way you want them

(and my all time favorite)

• toilet seat left up

This is actually a old list of things that used to drive me up the wall. I remember times when I would be so angry that I would have to repeat myself yet again that things were not getting done the way I wanted them. Do you ever have days like this?

Until one day a had a revelation - I started questioning why I was getting so angry. Why were these things such a big deal to me? Is it that huge of an issue to me? Isn't it more important for me to come home and have quality time with my family (or the person you share your home with), and not be such a "b-*-t-*h" (yep that word!) all the time. Not to say that I never have moments of "loosing it" but I try to pick my battles.

So how did I change my mind about how I felt in regards to my list. Like this:

• wet towel issue - usually I just pick it up, after all I'm standing there already so what's the big deal.
• socks in the living room - If I know who's they are I might toss them at the person and say, "I believe these are yours". Like I never have left socks lying around (oh no - not me).
• toys on the floor - well I don't have to deal with this one anymore (I have big kids now). But would it really hurt to help with this one, make it a game.
• dirty dishes in the bedroom - (ah yes, the old dried milk in the bottom of the glass) Well I usually let the dishes soak a bit anyways. No big deal.
• clothes not folded the way you want them - I'm now just thankful that they got folded and put away.

(I got a bit more creative with my favorite one)

• toilet seat left up - I like to think of it this way:
  

If we ladies require our men to put the toilet seat down, then shouldn't it only be fair that they require us ladies to put it back up? For those poor men it can be a lose-lose situation, if they leave the seat up, we sit down - we get wet. If they try to "go" by leaving the seat down, we sit down - we get wet. I don't get up-set - I laugh now.

All I'm trying to say here is "What's the big deal". These are all little things, everyday things, and they only becomes a big deal if we make them a big deal. Choose wisely, your happiness may depend on it.

The Law of Appreciation - Money

The last few months I've been reading a lot about appreciation or being thankful. What I've come to realize is that appreciation goes hand in hand with the Law of Attraction. Basically the Law of Attraction means positive will attract positive and negative will attract negative. Everyone practices this law even if you don't realize it. So the appreciation aspect I'm speaking of is to attract more of the positive and less negative into our lives.

I'm sure everyone can remember a time when someone (probably mom or dad) said "you should be thankful for that food on your plate. There are a lot of starving people that would love to have what you are eating." Because we were so young, we really didn't understand - we didn't put 2 and 2 together. Even as I grew up I still had a problem understanding the reason I should be thankful or appreciative of anything.

If I only knew then, what I know now. But I didn't. Thank goodness it's never too late to start.

So now you're saying "Well this doesn't apply to me. I'm very thankful for everything in my life. I appreciate everything."

My reply would be, "So - you appreciated the guy that cut you off in traffic today?" Ah, that was different you say. I think there was a point made.

One way to figure out if there are any areas in your life that you are not appreciating is to ask yourself a question. In what area(s) of your life are you experiencing lack? There are many areas to choose from that could be lacking in our lives. Here are just a few of them: relationships (this one could be a blog in itself), food, housing, friends, you name it and it may be possible that the cause of lack is really the lack of appreciating it. I'm sure one subject that we have all had our difficulties with is the lack of money.

Here is a recent example from my own life.

My husband and I own a painting business and work mainly with the new construction homes. This industry has been very slow this year and we have been just squeaking by with enough cash to cover our monthly expenses. The bills get paid, the gas tanks get filled, the food is bought - that's pretty much it. Not a lot of extra cash floating around our house to have any fun with let alone save any of it. Gee, I wonder if anyone else can relate to this scenario.

Well it came to my attention through all of the reading I've been doing, that to break this cycle of lack in my life I needed to start appreciating ALL of the money that comes to me. I just love those "a-ha" moments (someone turned on the light).

Here's what happened when I started to practice appreciating money:

While cleaning and organizing our bedroom I was coming across a few pennies, nickles and dimes. Every time I found one I would say "thank you" or "woo-hoo, a penny!" (with a smile on my face). I cleaned, organized and appreciated for 3 days (yes, it took 3 days to clean our bedroom, this also seems to be our catch-all room).

Within 2 days my husband received a call about a job that they wanted done as soon as possible. The day after this job was completed he received another call and had another job. Woo-hoo!!

I know, some of you are probably saying that it must be that the industry is picking up or that we were just lucky. You have the right to think anything you want to. And so do I. In my own opinion I believe the key to having and attracting more of anything into our lives is in the appreciation of everything. We need to start paying attention to the little things.

I'll be sure to keep you posted on my appreciation process.
I'm thankful for my pennies, are you?

Choosing Who You Are

The dictionary's definition of "choose" (choosing): To make a choice; to prefer or decide to do something. Syn- Choose, Select, Pick, Elect, Prefer indicate a decision that one or more possibilities are to be regarded more highly than others.

Hmmm, let me see now, let me think about this a moment...you mean to tell me that I can be who I want to be simply by making a choice? Yep, pretty much.

So what types of things do we or can we make choices about? Everything really. Who we love or hate, our jobs, where we live -everything. There is one sentence that I hear often, which is: "That's just the way I am." And the question I would love to ask these people is, "But is that who you want to be?"

So my question to you the reader is this, "If you could be anyone or anything that you wanted, then what or who would that be?" This may take some thought and time to come up with your answers. But it is absolutely worth the effort. Why should we go through life letting life happen in a haphazardly way when we have the opportunity to select how we want it to be.

After all - it's your brain, your thoughts, your life, and it's your choice.

Time Management - It's ok to say no

So it's the end of the day, your stressed, tired, and nothing seemed to get done. You've been running around doing things for everyone else. You look around the house and the dishes are still sitting there, laundry needs to be done, dinner has to be made...been there, done that.

I always seemed to be running around doing errands for others and never had the time to do the things that were important to me. Don't get me wrong, helping others out is fine and I believe it's good to help now and again. However if it's taking time away from my family, time with my husband or something that it on "my" to do list (or maybe I just want a day to myself) then I say no. Now I'm a bit more picky on what I choose to say "yes" to. It was a great relief to me to finally have the courage to say "no".

If we are constantly running around doing things for other's then when do we have the time to work on making our own circumstances better. Sometimes I think that we fill our lives with so many little extra's (that add up) because we don't want to have to deal with our own stuff. We always seem to have the advice or time for everyone else. But when it's time to handle our own things we freeze up.

So how can we break this cycle, how do we know if we are doing too much for others and not enough for ourselves? One way that I think would be very helpful is to make a list at the end of the day. List everything that you did that day. Next to each thing you did simply write who you did it for. Was it for you personally or someone else. Now look at the list and ask yourself this question: "How important was this to me?"

There's a saying that goes "God never gives you more than you can handle." But have you chosen to take on more than He's given you? Interesting question, don't you think?